Draco's Diary
by dragons lover
Summary: this is a diary about how draco feels towards the end of hogwarts.... he has a problem.. how will he deal with it? must read to know! please R
1. Just a little secret

**disclaimer:** draco belongs to JK rowling, as does harry. i did not create either of them, or hogwarts. i am not making money out of this. please don't sue me.   
**author's note:** i hope you like. i've been semi-working on these for a while. i think i'll probably load them all at the same time. but i'll have to wait like, a while before i can actually add chapters so chapter one will probably sit there collecting dust for a bit before i add to it. well, this is a diary type fic. it is to commemorate the love of two (males in this case). it's kind of a romeo and julit thing. it's from draco's POV, i enjoy doing things from POV's, especially draco's. anyway, enough of that... on with the writing...please... proceed...   
  


**EN+RY ONE** - _Just a little secret..._

  
May 16th   
Dear Diary,   
Today I was reading some books on psychology. Mainly about the ways wizards feel. It suggested writing down feelings so you can deal with tthem one at a time. Personally, I think this is fairly old-fashioned as we now have the pensieve now; however, not having one of these 'handy' I am reduced to using this somewhat 'amateur' way of dealing with problems.   
Lately I have been feeling things that I don't want to, this is the only way I can think of that will stop, or at least, help.   
As I obviously don't like this way of dealing with problems I have decided to write most of this diary through poetry; as it seems to calm me down, and open me up.   
This is definitely not one of those childish diaries where I will aim to write an entry every day, describing every detail of the day. It is simply for me to write aboutone problem, one emotion; and, eventually, to solve this problem.   
It's only one and a halp months 'till the end of my schooling career and I am aiming to solve this dillema well before the end of school.   
Well, here goes nothing...   
My first real entry... I am still not quite sure if this is the right thing to do. If someone were to find this it would be deadly. I am sure father could solve this problem, but I really don't want him to know. He's so proud of me. He's even got me an extra special present for when I leave school and become a Death Eater. I hope I am making theright descision. It should be, he's sure to know if I dont sort this out soon. OK. It's decided. Here's the first installment of the D.P.D (Draco Poetry Diary, if you didn't get that)   


**~~~ JUST A LITTLE SECRET ~~~**   
  
Love is a secret,   
Few people know.   
Hate is a weapon,   
I use when I'm low.   
  
  
I love someone,   
But can't tell them.   
If this shell broke,   
He, is who I'd condemn.   
  
  
He stares at me,   
With big innocent eyes.   
Wanting badly to know,   
All of my lies.   
  
  
If I were to tell him,   
He'd hate me so.   
He's so naive,   
How can he go?   
  
  
I'm so confused,   
What shall I so?   
When love is a secret,   
Between me and you.   
  
~~~ 

  
  
At the moment that's how it is, that's how I feel. I hope this is resolved soon. I don't think I can hold off much longer.   
  
++ Draco 


	2. LoveHate

**disclaimer:** refer to chapter one   
**authors note:** READ!   
  
  


**EN+RY TWO** - _Love/Hate_

  
May 28th   
Dear Diary,   
I'm so angry with myself. I tried to get closer. I tried so hard. I didn't hold back like normal. Now this is what I have done to myself.   
  


**~~~ LOVE/HATE ~~~**   
  
I saw you,   
But you'd never know.   
I loved you,   
But I let you go.   
  
  
I wanted you,   
You didn't see.   
I helped you,   
You'd never help me.   
  
  
I stayed with you,   
You left me alone.   
I learned to hate you,   
You were left to moan.   
  
~~~

  
  
I'm so stupid! I don't even know why I tried!   
++ Draco 


	3. Package

**disclaimer:** refer to chapter 1   
**authors note:** READ!   


**EN+RY THREE** - _Package_

  
June 13th   
Dear Diary,   
It's been so long. So good. I thought it'd be alright. Then father sent me a message. Brounght me back down to earth. But today, today I was in heaven.   
  


**~~~ PACKAGE ~~~**   
  
I was so sad,   
That cold winter day.   
I felt the difference,   
But didn't say.   
  
  
You sat at your bench,   
Hoping, waiting, knowing.   
My heart you did wrench,   
'Til that fleeting sound, did take you away.   
  
  
Pitter, Patter, on the castle floor,   
Little did I know what was waiting.   
That tall, slim package,   
Through all of that hating.   
  
  
I stepped through the door,   
In a world of my own.   
Not expecting an emotion so raw,   
To knock me over, onto the floor.   
And my heart quickened,   
Right down to the core.   
  
~~~ 

  
  
What happened to me? How'd I let this happen? This diary was definitely not a good idea!   
GOODBYE!!   
++ Draco 


	4. Expectations

**disclaimer:** refer to chapter 1   
**authors note:** READ!   
  
  


**EN+RY FOUR**- _Expectations_

  
June 21st   
Dear Diary,   
GOD! There's only a week 'til the end of school. Look what I've gone and done. I can't even tear myself away from this STUPID diary I started.   
  


**~~~ EXPECTATIONS ~~~**   
  
You expect me to love,   
Just like you do.   
But when push comes to shove,   
I'll always hate you!   
  
  
You expect me to repent,   
Just like you do.   
Love me, is that what you meant?   
I'll always hate you!   
  
  
You expect me to act well,   
Just like you do.   
Can't you hear the bell?   
I'll always hate you!   
  
  
You expect me to feel,   
Just like you do.   
My shell you peel,   
I'll always love you!   
  
  
~~~

  
I can't believe I just admitted that. I've REALLY lost it now!!   
++ Draco 


	5. Homemade Quilt

**disclaimer:** refer to chapter 1   
**authors note:** READ!   


**EN+RY FIVE** - _Homemade Quilt_

  
June 23rd   
Dear Diary,   
I was right at the start. I should have never let this go on.   
  


**~~~ HOMEMADE QUILT ~~~**   
  
I don't know why it started,   
I know it'll never be.   
Soon we'll be parted,   
There'll be nothing left for me.   
  
  
I know I can't love you,   
Yet I always will.   
Do you need me too?   
'Cause I need you like a pill.   
  
  
If you were to leave,   
And say goodbye.   
A quilt I would weave.   
Before I die.   
  
~~~

  
  
Goodbye. This really did help. I know this now. I have so much love and respect for my father so now I must end it. For his sake.   
I must bid this diary one final adieu. As I have one last job to do.   
++ Draco 


	6. Wishes

**disclaimer:** refer to chapter 1   
**authors note:** READ!   
That tall, slim, package, that is a boy, just sat there. Diary spread across his knees. He was sobbing. He tore a piece of parchment from the diary; muttered "Goodbye Draco. I'll always love you."; before pulling the quilt over his body, to sleep forevermore.   
That ripped out page read:   
  


**~~~ WISHES ~~~**   
  
Draco was my love,   
Now he'll never know.   
He's gone above,   
To be something else.   
  
  
I wish he had stayed,   
I had a present for him.   
Instead, his body I laid,   
To never forget,   
The impact he made.   
  
  
I wish I'd known,   
The pain he went through.   
Then I'd have grown,   
And not have been so afraid.   
  
  
I wish I'd shown,   
How much he meant.   
Instead, I'm saved,   
To live and repent.   
  
  
If only my wishes came true,   
Then maybe, just maybe.   
He'd still be here,   
My Draco, my baby.   
Though I cannot stay,   
With my heart so far away.   
  
~~~

  
author's note: and that is the end. of another tragic love story. 


End file.
